Settling the Score
by Daisy Blue
Summary: After one exgirlfriend too many, James Potter is at the top of the hit list of a group of vengeful girls. So how does Lily finding herself the newest arm candy to Hogwarts’ hottest heartthrob fit into the equation? Based on 'John Tucker Must Die' [LJ]
1. One Step Too Far

**Settling the Score**

**Summary: **After one ex-girlfriend too many, James Potter is at the top of the hit list of a group of vengeful girls. So how does Lily finding herself the newest arm candy to Hogwarts' hottest heartthrob fit into the equation? LJ

**Disclaimer: **The name change hasn't been legalised yet, so until then, I'm not JK Rowling. This fic was inspired by the movie 'John Tucker Must Die.' And just to mix things up a little, this story is set in James and Lily's sixth year.

---

**Ch 1: One Step Too Far**

James Potter.

Not a single girl to have passed through Hogwarts' during years of attendance didn't know that name. Not always for his dashing good looks, irresistible charm, superior wit, incredible intellect, enviable quidditch skills and down right sex appeal mind you. But unforgettable nonetheless. Not even words could do him justice.

He wasn't just a trendsetter, the height of cool, God's gift to mankind, an Apollo. James was who every girl wanted to date, who every guy secretly wanted to be. Even the people that hated him, despised his very being and everything he stood for loved him, adored him, followed him, admired him as much as they were turned green with jealousy at his very sight.

Some people just walk in the limelight. James Potter was engulfed in it. He simply _was_ the limelight. James Potter was a legend. There was just no other way of putting it.

James had a reputation no guy could ever hope to compete with. The line of girls waiting for their chance to date him, even knowing they'd have their hearts smashed to pieces, never shortened. No girl would turn down a date with James Potter.

Except Lily Evans.

---

The day their fifth year OWLs finished Lily Evans could be found stomping through the cool, quiet corridors of Hogwarts, a deep frown on her pretty face.

"Stupid arrogant Potter." She fumed softly to herself, marching heavily up a staircase and imagining each step was his smirking face.

"Jerk… snot rag… built like a bean pole… such a disgrace… want to beat him repeatedly with a heavy pole…" Her muttered ramblings were hardly coherent as she continued on her way, cursing under her breath as she went.

"You know," Said a casual, if slightly amused voice from where she had just stormed past. "That's not usually the reaction he gets from girls."

Turning around Lily was met with the smiling face of a slightly older, yet dashingly handsome young man. Caradoc Dearborn.

Lily felt her own lips curve into a small smile. "Conceited jackass isn't really my type."

His grin broadened, a low rumbling chuckle escaping him. "You're trying to tell me that you are the only girl in this school resistant to Potter's charm?" Caradoc challenged with eyebrows raised in scepticism. Lily set her face defiantly.

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

Caradoc laughed again but this time there was a hint of admiration, and perhaps and bit of patronising as if he knew something she didn't, evident in his deep voice. "You're quite some girl Lily Evans." He smiled with a shake of his head. "One day that boy is going to meet his match and some strange inkling tells me that you might just be it."

Lily beamed proudly. "Damn right." Was all she said.

One day that James Potter was just going to go too far. Cross her one too many times that her violent urges towards him would cease to be only fantasies. And when he did, she'd teach him a lesson.

---

James approached his sixth year the same way he had for the previous five. His arrogant yet charming smirk set comfortably in its usual place, his hair as obscenely yet endearingly messy as always and his swagger no less obvious. It never occurred to him that this year might be different.

It started off the same. He ruled the school as he always had, girls simpered as they passed him and snuck pieces of parchment into his back pocket with a time to meet them in a secluded broom closet and he still aced his classes with minimal effort. He dated, he dumped and life went on. Yet something, or someone, was about to change all that.

---

"I hate him!" The hard slam of the door made Lily flinch slightly at the anger that seemed to radiate through the small room.

"How could he do this to me?" Lily shrugged helplessly as she watched her friend terrorise the room, her loud stomps making the floor shake.

"He is going to pay for this." She continued furiously. "I tell you right now, no one messes with me and gets away with it." She drew a great shuddering breath and spat out her final words with venom.

"James Potter is going down."

It was amazing, in Lily's opinion, how many times this same sentence had been uttered. How after a mere few hours, days or even weeks the previously besotted and elated girl in question could sing such a drastically different tune. How one minute it was all misty eyed gazes and adoringly whispered praises and then bitter and vengeful tirades of hate and revenge the next.

Not even Lily, the only girl who seemed not to fall into a pile of giggling, swooning, blushing mush at James Potter's feet could produce such hatred towards him. Sure, she didn't like him all that much. He annoyed her, there was no doubt about that. He could make her so mad that she longed to throw a book… no, a brick at his head.

They'd certainly had their blow ups when he'd been astounded at her disinterest towards him. His short lived obsession had been quickly killed at any further potential damage to his reputation. Something for which Lily was eternally grateful for.

Lily turned back to her recently and brutally, yet still expectedly dumped friend who was suddenly eying her scarily, all traces of tears and evidence of newly squashed pride gone.

"Lily, we're going to bring James Potter down. Crush him." Emma said a little unnervingly in Lily's opinion, a mad glint shining in her almost black eyes.

"Wh-what?" Lily was a little confused. She felt for Emma, she really did. No one deserved to be treated the way James Potter treated, well everyone. But when had the 'we' come into it?

"You and me Lil. We're smart enough. We could do it, what every scorned girl has never had the guts to do. We could be legends." Her face was shining excitedly but Lily couldn't help but think this was beyond rational. James was a jerk. Unquestionably. And sure, Lily had always secretly fantasised about bringing him down but they were just fantasies. She wasn't the kind of person to outwardly sabotage another just for the fun of it. That would make her no better than Potter himself. Or the Slytherins.

"I don't want to be a legend." Lily said flatly. Emma's animated expression didn't falter.

"Lily, think about it. What he's done to so many girls. How many people's he's hurt. Don't you think he deserves a taste of his own medicine?" She persisted. Lily shook her head firmly. This could only end in tears. This was James Potter. He was indestructible.

Lily squeezed Emma's hand gently and gave her an encouraging smile. But no amount of reassurance and comfort seemed to make a difference. Every argument she put forward, Emma simply turned around until they were going around in circles, while Emma's smile grew wider and Lily's frown grew deeper.

"Come on Lily. You said it last year. That you would teach James a lesson." Emma urged.

Shaking her head, Lily knew that was true in essence but who didn't say that when they were angry at someone? Who didn't plot numerous tactics of utter humiliation, expulsion or in drastic cases, death in enraged states of mind? But they started at and forever stayed nothing more than evil, livid fantasies.

"I'm sorry Em. You can plan whatever sabotage you like but I won't be part of it." Lily said at last, her voice flat. And that was that.

---

Unfortunately, Emmeline Vance was not renowned for taking no for an answer.

"Lily, please?"

"I'll buy you a whole block of honeydukes chocolate? What about that scarf you wanted?"

"It's for a good cause. Pretty please?"

"Come on!"

But no amount of pestering would change Lily Evans' stubborn mind. Nevertheless, occasionally when she was lying in bed or trying not to fall asleep in history of magic or even lazily stirring her cauldron during potions Emma's voice would ring in her ears and her resolution would waver ever so slightly. Her mother had always told her that two wrongs didn't make a right but what if they really would be helping the entire female population of the school? Maybe a little sabotage was for the greater good.

An inch from caving, James Potter helped to affirm to Lily that he deserved everything coming to him. That she could and would single-handedly, well not single-handedly since it was Emma's idea but it sounded a little more dramatic that way, bring James Potter down.

Juggling her books while trying to sling her bag over her shoulder, the voices of James Potter and Sirius Black caught Lily's attention, making her interest mount at their cocky voices carrying down the now deserted corridor. James' head was held high and Lily felt certain that it must take a lot of concentration for that swagger of his that it was not doubtful that her presence went unnoticed.

"Man it's good to be me." James said smugly his smirk just about taking over his face. Not uncommonly a group of tittering girls had not long since past shooting him admiring and shamelessly flirtatious looks. Lily felt the also not so uncommon urge to hurl dragon dung at his pompous face.

"What, 'cause you've slept with just about every female in fifth year and above?" Sirius smirked appreciatively and Lily felt disgusted. What a lot of pigs!

Their continuous footsteps down the corridor far from drowned out their loud obnoxious guffaws.

"Except the trolls." Commented James with a grimace of distaste followed by more chuckles.

"And Evans." Laughter dying on his lips, James' head shot up at Sirius' comment. A disgruntled look passed across his face making him look like a bratty petulant child.

"Evans is a boring prude." Said James flatly, a hint of bitterness leaking into his tone. Lily felt her blood boil with rage and it took all her self restraint not to hex him into oblivion right then and there.

"But just think of how much your rep would soar if you nailed her." Sirius continued slyly, his controlled excitement just evident in his voice.

James shook his head forcefully. "Nup. Don't even think about it Sirius. I'm not trying that again. That girl still had the gall to turn me down after I asked her out not once but twice, two more times than I've ever asked out any other girl." His face showed signs of bitterness and a small frown creased his brow. Lily couldn't help her own slightly arrogant smirk grace her lips.

"Maybe I'll tap than. She's pretty hot." Sirius said offhandedly, waiting for his words to sink in and a reaction to emit. And he wasn't disappointed for a second or two later –

"You really think it'd be worth it?" James asked. For the first time in her existence Lily noticed a hint of unsureness in his voice and for a second her heart softened before realisation struck again that they were talking about who could shag her first.

"Hell yeah." Sirius nodded enthusiastically. "No one would ever doubt you again. You'd be a hero. A legend. Well, more than you already are. You'd be the guy who finally deflowered Lily Evans."

If she wasn't livid enough before Lily felt an anger so strong pumping through her at that moment. It seemed to fill every space and her narrowed eyes noticed the slight tremor in her lithe fingers as she readjusted her bag. She'd heard enough. Silently, she turned on her heel and strode out, one thing repeating over and over in her head.

Blood pounded in her ears and white hot anger bubbled viciously through her veins ready to burst out. Her jaw was clenched in fury and her footsteps banged loudly as she quickly ascended the stairs to the girls' dormitory. The door slammed open a little harder than was intentional but her enraged mind barely gave it a thought. Instead she strode purposefully to Emma who looked at her in surprise as infuriated words flew from her mouth.

"We're going to bring James Potter down. Wipe that egotistical smirk so far off his face that its vengeful backlash will confound him so severely that his obese head will be rendered unrecognisable. James Potter is going to wish he was never born."

---

**A/N Any comments or constructive criticisms? I kind of wrote this on a whim so I'd love your reviews and tell me what you think pretty please with a cherry on top? Is it worth continuing or straight to the garbage with it? You guys decide.**

**And a million apologies to the readers of my other fics. I've been incredibly slack in updating but I promise I will very soon. Please hang in there, the next chapter of Just Too Simple should be up in a few days! And happy Easter to everyone. Hope you all get tons of chocolate :-)**


	2. Testing the Limits

**I honestly can't thank you guys enough for the amazing reviews I got for the first chapter of this! Thanks so much to sharp-talons, cosmopolitan, HalfBloodHannah, JohnMayer1207, AlaiLuver, Anon, messyblackhair66, Rachel, fudge-butter, Joelle Cher, Prongs'LilyFlower, Cuban Sombrero Gal and JAMESandLILLYareCUTE. I can't believe how long since I updated :S so sorry about that too.**

**---**

**Ch 2: Testing the Limits**

Lily's unrelenting fury stayed with her for days. In her spitting rage Emma hadn't quite understood the reasoning behind Lily's anger but needless to say that didn't bother her as long as Lily was contributing to her sabotage plan.

Hell has no fury like a woman scorned. How very true.

One lingering problem remained however. How do you get even with a guy like James Potter? He was flawless, undefeatable, such a rare specimen of human kind it seemed nothing could oppose him.

"It can't be done." Emma concluded angrily after two plans of sabotage had gone straight down the gurgler. "He's simply indestructible."

Nothing like that short break between classes to strike a brainwave. The girls' bathrooms were notorious for being a haven of information. No girl seemed to be able to resist a quick gossip as they checked their perfect hair for faults and tittered excitingly about whose elbow accidentally touched someone else's and whether or not it was really obvious that you liked John Smith when you had _Mrs John Smith_ and _I love John Smith_ printed across all your books surrounded by enchanted flashing love hearts. Normally Lily steered clear of the lip gloss scented, perfume engulfed, gossip exchanging cubicles but for once their uses were founded.

"Uh-uh. We're just not hitting in the right spot. He's got to have a weakness somewhere and we just have to find it." Lily argued back in frustration. It simply had to be there unless he was secretly a flawlessly programmed robot with an extra-large serving of pheromones.

A delighted smile lit up Emma's face. "You're brilliant Lily." All she was met with was a sceptical stare. "Think about it; what makes James tick? What is it that makes him an irresistible god in everybody's blind eyes?"

The bang of a cubicle opening surprised them as Lily jumped back, crushing Emma's foot in her wake. Platinum blonde hair swished elegantly as Cameron Prince stepped out with the click of her two inch heels with startling poise.

"It's everything." She murmured in a dreamy voice, which for Cameron-the-slightly-anal-retentive-annunciation-Queen was saying something. "It's his smile, his charm, how he makes you laugh, the way he holds you and nothing else seems to matter –"

"Hello, did we ask you?" Emma butted in rudely, her dark gaze defiant. Dreamy voice and expression were quickly replaced with one of dislike.

"Well you aren't getting very far are you?" The sharp, icy tones of Cameron snapped in reply. Angry glares shot from one to the other, heated sparks quickly growing to a roaring fire.

To say Cameron and Emma didn't see eye to eye would be a considerable understatement. Both loud and bossy, they were most definitely not a good mix. Quick tongue bated ice-cool attitude and without Lily to intervene an all out bitch fight would have been inevitable.

"Cool it Emma. I think Cameron's on to something." Emma's indignant sniff was ignored as Cameron cast her a triumphant smirk.

"We've got to cut him at the knees; turn James' Potter's peerless reputation against him. Reveal him as the phoney he really is. If his game is that he's always got a date…" Scheming brilliance glimmered from Lily's bottle green eyes.

"…then we make him undatable."

"A destruction of everything that is James Potter."

It was as perfect as James Potter's mind blowing smile. As indestructible as his irresistible charisma. More foolproof than his twisted mind games with naïve schoolgirls.

Cameron wrinkled her perfectly symmetrical, blemish free nose. Talking about scarily perfect people, Lily thought enviously. "Yeah, but how do we do that?"

Self-congratulatory smiles faded, slipping from glowing faces like melting ice cream. Knowing where to hit was one thing. Knowing how to do it was a whole other factor in consideration.

"Uh…"

---

Scarlet flames reflected in the large emerald eyes of Lily. With a soft humming noise she uncrossed her legs and stared deeper into the hypnotic flames. Still no brain waves. It was beginning to get tedious now, the dedicated hours of plotting sabotage, the fruitless attempts to deflect arguments between Cameron and Emma and the twinging bursts of vicious anger whenever James stepped within her radar.

"I've got it."

The voice of Cameron drew Lily's gaze up to be met with her devious one. Despite Emma's forceful protests against it, Cameron seemed to have unofficially joined the Pound James Potter into a Gooey Mess organisation. And while Cameron may have looked like your typical superficial, self-absorbed, platinum blonde bimbo her appearance was deceiving. The quick witted Ravenclaw had thus far proved to be, well a pain in the arse to say the least, but also quite an asset. Two just wasn't quite enough to think up, let alone pull off anything remotely ingenious enough to throw James Potter from his high horse. And only someone as manipulative and seemingly perfect as Cameron herself was a match for He-Who-Must-Be-Undatable.

And it seemed that she was just about to prove her worth.

Now, Emma wasn't nasty by nature but her forceful personality did prove testing at times. As she contorted her face into numerous mocking expressions Lily listened to The Plan. A wicked grin quickly stole across her face until the both of them, and even Emma, were wearing matching Cheshire cat grins.

Simple is the key. Show time.

---

As per usual James was strutting, head held high, through the many corridors of Hogwarts. Meanwhile a cluster of three girls lurked just out of sight with sly smiles, watching their carefully plotted plans put into action.

"Shit." James cursed angrily as a large tear appeared in his bag, papers and books flying in every direction, ink bottles smashing atop the lot.

The throngs of students milling through the crowded corridor weaved out of the way, a few just arriving clustering towards him trying to catch a glimpse of the hold up.

"Here Prongs." Remus handed him a pile of assorted parchments as Sirius and Peter set about retrieving the further scattered belongings.

A collective gasp could be heard through the corridor and suddenly it sounded as if someone had pressed the mute button on a TV.

"Erm, this yours Potter?" A burly Hufflepuff asked, kicking a piece of parchment towards him.

A few grimaces could be seen, the occasional snort of laughter from those close enough to read as James Potter, King of Hogwarts turned beet red.

_Do you suffer from performance inadequacies or anxiety? Erection problems? Premature ejaculation? _

_Well don't be shy. At Sex Matters we are here to help with your individual needs. And remember… your problem is our problem!_

"That's not mine!" James yelled loudly, his face nearing on glow-in-the-dark. Lily clutched her sides in laughter and tears of mirth pricked at her eyes.

And then the bombshell hit.

"Sex Matters? James, you never told me you suffered performance problems!" Sirius exclaimed in what would be yelling for most people. On Sirius it made people clap hands over their ears at the deafeningly loud sound. "You told me you were a tiger in the sack."

"I-I don't! I-It's not mine I swear!" Who knew James Potter could be short of words?

Gales of laughter were brewing up from the crowd, mocking cat-calls emitting from deep inside the throng of cackling students. A few murmurings of 'that's what they all say.'

"Now you mention it though," Sirius carried on in that thunderous voice of his. "I did suspect it for a while. Especially when we kept catching you practising engorgement charms and you went all red and wouldn't tell us why."

Someone threw a tomato which landed on one of James' shoes, splattering it in red goo. People were beginning to point and laugh like he was some toothless leper with a boob growing out of his forehead and trying to pick his nose with his toes.

"I think we did it." Lily gasped between uncontrollable giggles.

James was now flailing around with his arms trying to recapture the attention of the crowd and convince them that he did not indeed suffer from an 'oozy green pecker' as was the latest call across the corridor.

"WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON HERE?" Professor McGonagall's timing could not have been more perfect.

Silence.

"Will someone please tell me why all of you are clustered in the corridor when you should all be in class?" Her nostrils were flared and her lips pursed so thin they were almost invisible.

Sirius let out a loud snort and her beady eyes sought him out immediately. "Mr Black. Would you care to enlighten me as to what is so funny?"

James' face seemed to drain of all colour, the whole crowd waiting with baited breath for the inevitable.

"James here feels inadequate in the sack. He's having a few pecker problems."

Professor McGonagall's eyebrows rose so high they seemed to get lost in her hair and her eyes narrowed.

"Potter, Black, my office now!" She barked menacingly. No one moved an inch. "The rest of you, back to class."

If looks could kill, Sirius would be so mutilated by now as to be rendered unrecognisable with the glares of utter loathing coming from James.

With one quick high-five to each other the three girls dispersed back into the crowd, ecstatic grins lingering as they trudged back to their lessons.

---

"Size doesn't matter Potter. Honestly, it doesn't make you any less of a man… oh wait, yes it does!"

"Bugger off." James muttered under his breath as taunts followed him like a dark shadow. His pride had taken its biggest beating yet, what with public mocking and then being asked if he needed 'help' or to 'talk' about anything by Professor McGonagall while being force fed ginger newts. Who would have thought old Minnie had it in her? Sirius, on the other hand was given a weeks worth of detention shovelling dragon dung in the green houses.

It seemed James Potter had fallen from his pedestal. Girls snubbed him when he walked past and guys jeered loudly in his wake. And Lily couldn't keep the satisfied smirk off her face, shining like a lighthouse beacon.

But everyone seemed to be forgetting something. This was James Potter. And James Potter could never stop being James Potter. James Potter did not take sabotage hands down.

In warfare, never underestimate your opponent. Especially when he's handcuff-to-the-bed-NOW handsome, cocky as hell, and bitter with revenge.

Barely a day had passed and Lily, Emma and Cameron were staring shell-shocked at their respective house tables as cheers filled the Great Hall.

"So, on behalf of Sex Matter I am honoured to be able to present this award of Community Service to James Potter for his invaluable compassion and aid to those in need."

Grinning fiercely, James swaggered up to the teachers' table to deafening applause and wolf-whistles as Lily forced herself to _put the fork down_ before she speared someone's hand so hard that they had enough holes in their hand that they could use it as a quill holder.

However, what was funniest seemed to be the brutal taunts turn to admiring praise. James Potter was high-fived down the corridors, passed innumerable love notes to make any hapless romantic queasy.

"I never believed it anyway, but still, I hear the smallest ones are like tigers in the bedroom. Rawr."

The batted eyelashes, simpering smiles, suggestive winks not to mention the saucy cat claws were enough to make even the strongest stomach sick.

"I don't get it!" Emma stormed furiously to Lily as they made their way to Potions. "We give him the freaking sexual prowess of a castrated midget and he gets a bloody award for it!"

Lily huffed loudly and irately as her thumping footsteps drew them closer to Professor Slughorn's classroom.

Normally Lily quite liked potions. Without sounding anything like as arrogant as Potter, she was good at it which certainly gave it most, okay all, of the subjects appeal. Today however, she felt certain she was going to drown someone in her cauldron due to insanity if the lesson didn't end soon. James' bag was also sitting dangerously close to the flame beneath her cauldron that she should not possibly be held responsible if it were to slip… okay, she had to get a grip now.

Lily did not take to failure very well and his miraculous comeback only seemed to fuel her burning hatred for James Potter, her unbridled desire to pound him into a fine powder as she was currently doing to her asphodel root.

Her hand moved swiftly as to almost be a blur as she cut up her valerian roots into small pieces and added them to her cauldron. Potter's atrociously fat head was right in front of her. Her fingers twitched with the longing to seize her knife and ferociously hack off all his hair. He'd look damn stupid bald. Like an oversized and hideous baby. Like his intellect.

Instantly, her Draught of Living Death potion turned a dark purple, the colour of freshly picked blackcurrants. She supposed she couldn't give Potter a black eye for his insolence without punishment could she?

Using the flat side of her silver dagger Lily crushed her Sopophorous Bean to extract the juice before hastily adding that too to her potion. She wished she had a photograph of Potter's face. She could pin it up in the Girl's dorm and use his face as a dart board. That would be fun.

As she languidly stirred her potion, the colour changing slowly from a soft lilac to a clear as water and finally a shade of palest pink, more annihilation possibilities rolled through her mind, each more tempting than the last yet so far out of the question that her mood turned quickly sullen.

Scooping up a sample of her finished potion, Lily walked towards the front of the room when something brushed her arm in a not entirely unpleasant fashion. Turning her head slightly to whoever was standing to her left, a look of outrage crossed her features.

Instantly the taste of bile swum in her throat and she made a silent gagging motion. Oh how she took that back. It was the most odious brush of her hand she'd ever experienced. Eurgh.

In repulsion she wiped her hand on her robes as if trying to rid herself of some vile germ or infection. Potter-itis.

---

"It's hopeless!" Emma cried despairingly as she threw herself dramatically onto the common room couch.

It didn't take a genius to figure out where her state of current gloom had materialised from. Nothing, however, matched Lily's sour look as if she'd just swallowed a lemon.

"Well maybe if you did something other than read Snitch Weekly we might get a bit further." Came Lily's snappy reply, her temper getting the better of her.

"_Witch_ Weekly. And it has some good articles in it."

Lily raised her eyebrows in mock surprise. "What? Like, _'__I'm a fourteen-year-old crack-whore who should have made my skeazy boyfriend wear a condom and now I'm pregnant. What should I do?'_'?" She asked innocently.

Emma let out a snort of laughter and with a quick flick of her wrist, the magazine flew straight into the smouldering flames of the common room fire.

"So, any ideas?" Emma continued casually as Lily's thoughtful eyes followed the path of the magazine, watching silently as the edges began to curl up and turn to ash.

"Drown him in my cauldron and feed him to the Slytherins for dinner?"

Her sarcastic reply was not appreciated as Emma gave a loud sigh. A small disturbance in the form of a snotty third year suspended any further disputes.

"Has anyone seen my magazine? I left it there." She pointed straight at Emma who arranged her expression into one of distinct puzzlement bordering on concern before settling into regret.

"Peter Pettigrew was reading it."

Lily stared at her friend in surprise and the snooty girl pouted brattily.

"What was he doing with it?"

Emma pulled an embarrassed face. "Don't mention it to him 'cause I know he's a little sensitive about it but he's got a bit of a women's clothes fetish and all and reading girly magazines is the only way he finds he can fulfil his sick fantasies." She nodded and gave the girl the sort of wink that said 'don't tell anyone.'

The girl stared at her like she's just sprouted thick black hair out of her ears with a slowly growing expression of disbelief.

"You stole it didn't you!" She accused, brandishing a finger at Emma who did her best to look innocent.

"Has anyone seen my lacy black corset with the ribbons on it?" Peter hollered down the boy's staircase.

With a sour look, the girl strutted away, shaking her head like she was the only sane one around. As soon as she was well out of earshot Lily let out a burst of laughter.

"Women's clothes fetish to fulfil his sick fantasies?" She managed through her flurry of unsubsiding giggles.

Shrugging, Emma grinned looking rather pleased with herself.

"Oh my gosh, I have the most brilliant beyond brilliant idea!" A wide eyed, excited look suddenly radiating from Lily's shining face as Emma's own turned doubtful.

"No, no and no, we are not dressing James Potter in a thong and handcuffing him to Professor McGonagall's desk." She said firmly.

Lily eyed her weirdly. "Ew, no. But I do have the best idea ever!"

---

"What exactly are we doing?" Demanded Cameron impatiently. Emma cast her an exasperated glance.

"I believe it's called eating. More commonly know as the digestion of food for nutritional purposes." Answered Lily, laughing madly at her own – rather lame – crack.

Looking tetchy and completely unimpressed, Cameron sniffed haughtily. "Short of shoving an entire hippogriff down his throat and hoping he'll choke, that is about as useless as windscreen wipers on a motorbike. So, what is the plan?"

A sly smile spread across Lily's face. She raised her eyebrows as if to say 'wouldn't you like to know?' and stayed silent.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

The impatient taps as Cameron eyed her dangerously while drumming her foot impatiently slightly softened Lily's triumphant look. "Just wait until transfiguration."

With that said, and a slight skip in her step as she went, Lily slung her bag over her shoulder and flounced from the Great Hall in the direction of the transfiguration classroom.

Heading directly to her usual spot, Lily took her seat, placed her bag neatly beside her chair and waited patiently, her legs crossed at the ankles as her hands laid neatly folded in her lap. It was simply a matter of routine. What wasn't so routine was the 'I'm a rebel and proud of it' smirk playing at her lips, uncannily to the one that so often graced a certain messy haired Marauder's under suspicious circumstances.

"Good morning Professor." Lily called politely to Professor McGonagall's turned back. Nearly all the class consisting of the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws were settled in their seats and gazing expectantly towards the front of the room.

"Good morning class. Today we'll be learning conjuring spells." The Professor said loudly and clearly as she turned around to face the assembled students.

A hush instantly fell over the students, completely unlike anything from a teacher's wildest dreams. Or perhaps in this case, worst nightmares. Attuned to everything her hawk-like eyes could land on, Professor McGonagall stared her class directly in the eyes as if daring them to say something.

A loud snort broke the stiff silence as Emma clapped a hand across her mouth to stifle her laughter as tears of mirth swam in her eyes. Sirius let out a long, low whistle from somewhere at the back and if she'd cared to turned around, Lily would have seen James' eyes bugging out in a mixture of fear, awe and shock.

"Why Professor," The boy in question called loudly a mere second later, with his cocky smirk instantly back in place. "I didn't realise you felt that way."

In the way that only the famous Marauders themselves could achieve with such utter perfection, her lips turned to thin lines and her nostrils flared angrily.

"Minnie, how could you!" Sirius added in a wounded cry as he dramatically clutched his heart as if in pain.

The billows of smoke could almost be seen emerging from her nostrils as she threatened to breathe fire onto the front row.

"Would anyone care to explain what the problem is?"

No one spoke or made so much as a noise. And to her utter dismay, her beady eyes swung around to Lily.

"Miss Evans, as a responsible and honest member of this school community, please explain what seems to be the problem."

Conflicting emotions of hysterical laughter and flooding dread threatened to burst from her as she looked everywhere but at her Professor's face.

"Miss Evans?"

Emma literally buried her face in her hands to contain her hysterics.

"I love James Potter." Lily murmured faintly, staring straight out the open window into the courtyard.

Professor McGonagall's eyebrows went up. Way up. "I beg your pardon Miss Evans. Now is not the time for bizarre dedications of ardour."

Muttering a quick spell to conjure a mirror, Lily passed the small frame to the astounded Professor. Her eyes widened, then narrowed to tiny slits that it was very surprising she could even see. As a matter of fact, given different circumstances Lily would have been very curious as to ask. Her white lips were the thinnest of thin lines and she appeared to be breathing heavily out of her nose.

In bold letters shone the words 'I love James Potter' tattooed across Professor McGonagall's forehead in colours of scarlet and gold – keeping Gryffindor pride and all. But it didn't end there. Beside these outrageous words was a strategically placed kiss mark in some bright red lipstick.

"James Potter." Her voice was a death whisper that, hadn't it been so funny, would have scared the living daylights out of even a raging dragon. "Would you care to explain these sentiments?"

James stared at her blankly, for once, completely innocent of the crime. Yet somehow he'd cried wolf too often.

"Well, you should have just said something Professor. No need to announce it to the school and everything. I'm sure we can work something out." He said cheekily, sending her a wink as he spoke. Professor McGonagall looked ready to throttle him with her bare hands.

"Ahem. Minerva?" Tiny Professor Flitwick stood uncomfortably in the doorway. "Never mind, I'll come back later." He hurried off looking highly embarrassed as the class sniggered unobtrusively.

Red blotches of colour were appearing on Professor McGonagall's face.

"A week of detentions Potter." She snapped. James opened him mouth to undoubtedly argue that it hadn't actually been himself but was silenced with a look. "However," she added almost grudgingly and with the merest hint of softening. "Take ten points for Gryffindor for that truly amazing demonstration of advanced charms work."

Lily could have sworn her lips looked less thin, almost like she was about to smile or something completely ridiculous like that. Or maybe she was just passing wind because that always made people smile. Instantly, her visions of Potter dodging curses of the enraged professor, or being awarded a month of cleaning infirmary bedpans without magic faded from her mind.

"Genius." Someone towards the back of the classroom muttered in uncontained awe.

Irritation surged through Lily's blood as she stared at the previously livid Professor who was now, quite calmly one might add, explaining the correct incantation of conjuring specific objects now that the words had disappeared from her face.

And of course, as it does through a gossip frenzied school, word spread like wildfire. It seemed the only thing anybody talked about for the rest of the day as James' strutted down the corridors to cheers and high-fives.

Anger seizing the better of her, her foot 'accidentally' made its way into the oncoming path of James Potter.

"Oops." She said in mock apology. "I'm terribly sorry."

If she had anything to do with it, next time he'd get more than a week of detentions and a bruised knee.

---

**A/N** **Okay this is my lame lame attempt at writing humour and unfortunately I have the sad feeling I'm failing rather miserably. I hope this chapter wasn't too ridiculously stupid or cliche. I feel terrible after all those wonderful reviews for the first chapter and I hope I haven't let you guys down too much. Anymore pranks for the next chapter or just cut to the chase and move on?**

**Please review if you want, but please be kind, I don't think my puny ego can handle flames. Thanks**


	3. Catch Me If You Can

**I'm back, finally. I don't think I've ever taken such a long break from fanfiction but I'm hoping I haven't lost all of my readers to impatience with lack of updates. Still, a huge thanks to my reviewers from the last chapter: JohnMayer1207, emeraldeye, vintage bluejeans, cosmopolitan, HalfBloodHannah, UnderworldBabe, thestralwhisperer, Heaven's Flying Fish, Kat, Jente Bidernais, Prongs'LilyFlower, LILYandJAMESareCUTE, IWantToMarryJames, Weird Not Boring, JP's girl 4 life, kayPOTTER x, MourningBlade and JustAnotherCrazyWriter! This is by far my most popular fic I've written so I'm hoping it can live up to expectations and I'm realy sorry for the huge wait in updates. The next one will not be anywhere near as long since I'm finally on holidays. Yay!**

**---**

**Ch 3: Catch Me If You Can**

Owls bombarded the house tables in descending spirals of feathers and mail. Retrieving her soggy, orange newspaper from her pumpkin juice and casting a simple drying spell, Lily flipped open the cover and disappeared behind the expanse of paper.

She'd barely read the headlines when panicked voices reached her ears. Emerald eyes glittered interestedly from the edge as she observed the faint traces of smoke emitting from a scarlet envelope clasped tightly in James Potter's fist.

"Just open it mate. It'll be worse if you don't."

Even from her unobtrusive spot behind her paper, Lily didn't miss the panicked look so foreign on James' easy-natured face.

"But I didn't do anything!" He squeaked pathetically, so far from his usual deep, drawling tone.

Sirius snorted while hopelessly attempting to arrange his face into an expression of sympathy. "And I suppose your mother was never going to notice that one of her house elves now sings in limericks, her antique and hideously expensive set of defence books are now soaked with stink sap and the pet rabbit is sporting a Mohawk."

With time running too thin to ponder it, the letter began to smoke profusely, furling around James' terrified face and an echoing voice screamed from the folds of paper.

"Congratulations my little cherub! Your father and I are just _so_ proud! President of the knitting club. Oh, it's just wonderful Snookums. You'll never guess what Jamie, I heard from dear old Mrs Forster and her lovely daughter Mildred yesterday. You remember Mildred don't you sugar-pie? You used to run around naked in their backyard, do you remember? You two used to have a lovely time dressing up as princesses and getting into all my old make up.

Oh dear, I'm all of a flutter now. Anyway muffin, your father and I just wanted to let you know how proud we are of you and that we've completely forgotten about your little accident over the summer. I was telling Healer Jeffreys and he said it's perfectly normal to go through your teenage years with a weak bladder so I've enclosed some more pull-ups for you - extra snug. And camouflage to disguise any stains. We love you baby-cakes and send all our love."

A loud squelchy sound like an overly-loving mother blowing a kiss rang across the silent hall as James Potter sat stock still, humiliation and shock still coursing through his veins. It wasn't long before gales of laughter broke out accompanied by mocking cat calls.

"Is it just me or is James' mum off her rocker?" Peter stage whispered across the table to Remus who shot him a 'shut up this instant' look and returned to his cereal.

Still dumb-struck and gaping wildly, James seemed to struggle to find his voice. "That's not my mother you idiot. I'll admit she can be a tad eccentric at times but that was just beyond sane."

Remus and Sirius both offered sympathetic looks but James could have been staring at a blank wall for all the acknowledgement he gave. "Someone's out to get me." He whispered frantically, a slightly deranged look crossing his features.

Behind her newspaper, Lily gave a loud snort of laughter attracting the attention of half the table. Blushing slightly she lowered her gaze back to the headlines with an airy, "Bless me. Hay fever's really causing a stir this morning."

In turn, James turned back to his friend insistently. "I'm serious. Someone's trying to ruin my reputation and they're doing a damn good job of it. First the paper, then McGonagall and now this." His face was alight as if just struck by a brain-wave of realisation. "I bet it's Snape."

There was no denying that this next blow had caused a major dose of paranoia inside James and the whisperings surrounding him did nothing to abate his suspicion.

"James, no one is out to get you." Remus said calmly with expression that clearly showed his worry for his friend's sanity. His words however seemed to have the reverse effect and a minute later James was standing on his feet.

"I'm not joking." He all but yelled, attracting even more of the population's attention. "They're after me!" He gestured wildly, as if to illustrate the gravity of the situation and sending a nearby first year head first into the scrambled eggs.

Shooting fierce looks at his two friends to warn them to keep their stupid mouths shut and not laugh, Remus adopted his best therapist expression. "James." He said in a voice of such calmness and serenity it seemed it wasn't only James' sanity Sirius now feared for. "I think you should calm down, drink some herbal tea and breathe deeply."

James stared obliviously into space as Sirius eyeballed him as if he'd just asked him to shave his eyebrows off – not a good look by the way. "Merlin, they've got you too." He wailed despairingly. "Don't touch the pumpkin juice Peter."

A jet of orange shot across the table as Peter, in his shock, managed the incredible effect of shooting his mouthful of juice spraying out of his nose like a hose. With only a dirty look in his direction Sirius turned to Remus, taking him by the shoulders and shaking him rather roughly.

"Moony my friend. Snap out of it. Do you understand me? Look, how many fingers am I holding up?"

Lily was beginning to wonder if she'd turned all the Marauders loopy.

"Four."

A wail emitted from a despairing Sirius. "Merlin he's so far gone he can't even count. Moony my fine, furry friend, this is three remember. Look, one… two… three… oh shit now I look like a real idiot don't I?" he added with a sheepish look.

Remus nodded with a withering look.

"I think you should stop worrying about me and worrying about getting _him_ to the hospital wing." He jabbed a finger in James' direction with a concerned look.

His concerns were entirely understandable as James was currently staring wildly around the hall as if waiting for a hit man to jump out at any moment. In a sore attempt to be useful, Peter poured James a cup of pumpkin juice.

"Here Prongs. Drink up. You'll feel better." He said in squeaky voice.

In an instant James was on his feet again, another stream of juice soaring across the Great Hall.

"You're in on it too! I can't trust anybody!" James was backing away from a cowering Peter as if he were a deadly poison.

Sirius nodded to Remus in hasty agreement. "Grab the prisoner. And I'll…er… make sure he doesn't strangle you to death.

---

Dancing shadows darted across lush green grass as the wind blew lightly across the grounds of Hogwarts castle. Three girls lay stretched out under the shade of a large beech tree.

"Cross-dressing? You know, I've always fancied seeing James in a thong." Cameron suggested dully as she closed her eyes lazily against the glaring rays of the sun overhead, her legs stretched out in the hopes of attaining a golden tan.

Eyes closed against the harsh sunlight, Lily barely moved in response.

"This is not the time to indulge your kinky fantasies." Emma snapped in retort.

Tension was brewing between the girls. A flaring anger boiled constantly inside Lily as she longed to turn him into a goat and sell him off to a nearby muggle farmer. Although, knowing their recent luck, James would probably turn bleating and chewing socks into a fashion statement too.

Somehow, after all her effort in not only sending a howler but hitting James with a tricky paranoia charm he'd still managed to turn his three day stay in the hospital wing into a new craze. It was no longer an uncommon thing for two or three students to retreat to the hospital wing during a particularly difficult lesson for some 'me time' and the common rooms no longer existed without the calming sounds of spiritual music. Above all, Lily was most displeased that her favourite couch by the fire was now hidden in the darkest, gloomiest, coldest corner of the common room as apparently it 'had bad feng shui and created a negative atmosphere.'

"I think," Lily muttered quietly, "we're not hitting the right spot. All we're proving is that James Potter can overcome any humiliation, that he's worthy of admiration. What we need, is not to embarrass him, but to get him back. Teach him what it's like to be us."

Nodding agreeably, Emma piped up in encouragement. "So, how do we do that?"

And there came the unravelling of the brilliant scheme. In fact, the unravelling of all their brilliant schemes.

"While as funny as it would be to see Potter running out of the girls toilets screaming about 'internal bleeding' or else experiencing the pain of eyebrow plucking, I'm certain that gender change potions are just a tad against the rules." Cameron pointed out unhelpfully.

A desolate silence descended from the upper branches of the shadowy tree.

"Date him." Said Emma suddenly.

"Bless you." Lily murmured politely as she idly plucked the petals from a miniature daisy.

"No," clarified Emma with a trace of excitement evident in her voice. "I said date him. Teach the legendary James Potter the game when he's not the one in power. Show him just what it's like to have _his_ heart smashed to pieces."

She looked around impressively, as if expecting praise to hit her from every direction. Instead, she was faced with two dumb-struck girls gaping like gummy serpents.

"You mean, date him and dump him? Use him mercilessly? Date like a man?" Questioned Lily, as if unsure she was really grasping the true intentions of the plan.

Emma nodded.

"No. No." After a short bout of pensive silence, Lily shook her head defiantly. "I can't think of a plan that could go more horribly wrong. And besides, he's already dumped everyone here."

Hoping to exchange an eye-rolling glance with Cameron, or else hear her disparaging retort, Lily was sadly disappointed. Not to mention, their unsettlingly knowing smirks as they stared at her.

"You can't be serious?"

It made no sense. Pretend to date somebody? Make them fall in love with you and then dump them in the cruellest, most ridiculing way possible? To Lily, that seemed beyond the cruelty even James portrayed. No, that was too malicious even for James Potter to warrant.

Even more ridiculously however, was the way both Cameron and Emma made it sound even possible to break James' heart. He had proven long ago that he was immune to such vulnerable emotions like love. And why, in heaven's name would he ever fall for someone like her? It was fairly common knowledge that she was not his type. James had proven long ago that his type was tall, leggy and with a chest like two watermelons.

"Come on Lily." Emma wheedled persistently, like a buzzing mosquito you longed to swat. "James' Potter broke my heart, not to mention the hearts of so many innocent girls. Don't you think he deserves a taste of his own medicine? That maybe it's worth a chance to change him for the better?"

Her eyes were full of a sincerity, a seriousness that Lily had rarely seen and something about the pathetic edge in her voice made Lily's resolve crumble.

_Maybe I should just do it._ Lily thought uncertainly.

"No." Lily heard herself say firmly. "I won't do it."

"You know we're not doing it to be malicious or cruel don't you Lil?" Emma persisted. "This isn't about us anymore. Maybe it started out that way but it's more than that now. It's about making him understand exactly how we feel. Don't you think the benefits outweigh one tiny little white lie?"

_I suppose it could work. _A little voice in the back of her head insisted reasonably. _And if it really would help… it certainly wasn't any worse than what he did everyday._

"It's completely ridiculous and doomed to fail." Replied Lily flatly. "And I suppose you've forgotten that I loathe him with the intensity of a thousand suns?"

"Don't forget you have us here too." Cameron added. "We'll teach you everything you need to know to win his attention, take his control and break his heart."

_Well, I supposed it could be worse. Like pretending to date Peter. At least James is reasonably… okay very attractive._

"He looks like a mutilated troll with spattergroit and ears big enough that he could take flight." She retorted snappily, those damned voices tweaking her last nerve.

_Just think of everything he's done._ Continued that incessant voice. _Think of how much you'd like to wipe that slimy smirk off his over-large head. The way he's so certain he's invincible. Remember his determination to make __**you **__his next victim. You can't say that that didn't hurt._

"Fine." Lily heard her voice say, though she was certain that the words had not been spoken voluntarily by herself. "I'm going to regret it. I know I will. But fine. I'll do it."

A mass of hair obscured her vision as she was engulfed into an excitable, squealing tangle of arms.

"I swear, James potter will not know what has hit him."

---

By the breakfast time the next morning, if Lily's sleepless night and mind boggling self doubts weren't already making her regret her decision, Lily was onto the point of wishing James Potter's parents had never procreated.

"Voila." Proudly, Emma set a mirror in front of Lily's face, smiling happily at her handiwork. "So, what do you think?"

Lily knew from her smug grin that Emma didn't really want to know what she thought. Somehow she wasn't sure if Emma would thoroughly appreciate being told her skills would be better suited for drag make-up and that she couldn't breathe in Emma's skin tight clothing.

"No. I completely and utterly refuse to leave this dormitory looking like this." Lily replied stoutly as the smile faded quickly from Emma's lips into an insolent grimace.

"Lily, I think you're being unreasonable –"

One glance at the mirror gave Lily the very clear message that she was not being unreasonable in the least.

"No. Absolutely not. I would rather die." Lily stated firmly. "I look like a common prostitute."

Sensing rather that actually seeing it through her heavily made up eyes, Lily interrupted Emma's protests.

"Look. I've unwillingly agreed to do this but I draw the line at looking, dressing or acting like a cheap hooker. If I'm going to do this, then I'm doing it my way which starts without this," She pulled unhappily at the clingy, velvet, leopard print 'dress'.

Sensing – wisely – that Lily would not take no for an answer or else completely unravel their carefully plotted plans, a short silence followed this pronouncement.

In a swift wave of her wand, Lily's face was void of makeup, although she allowed her waist-length dark red hair to remain in its silky straight state after the copious amounts of Sleakeazy's hair potion that had been instilled to strip it of its natural curl. Eyeing the two, now silent, girls scarily and her face set, there was no arguing with Lily Evans.

"James doesn't want another dim-witted, painted Barbie doll to dump a week later." Lily said firmly, instantly realising her mistake and grimaced in apology at the girls watching her. She'd forgotten in her generalisation of James Potter's 'type' that her friends had once upon a time been arm-candy to said boy. "If you want me to win James Potter's heart, not just his momentary lust, I need to play this differently. He has to be captivated, enthralled, completely driven wild out of his mind with desire before I let him catch me. This is a game James Potter has never played and one he just can't win."

Her grin was filled with a half-hidden cheekiness and her eyes glittered with a scheming brilliance. Lily couldn't be exactly certain where that spiel had come from but it certainly sounded rather impressive to her own ears. But perhaps it was just her as two dumbstruck girls stared right back at her as if they didn't know what had hit them.

"Whoa, Lily." Emma said eventually as she let out a long bath she'd been subconsciously holding. "Who knew you had it in you."

Snapping out of her reverie, Cameron flicked her hair suddenly all business-like. "You're right."

Lily and Emma looked up in amazement. Cameron… and a compliment? That was a first.

"We have to keep him on his toes, never getting too comfortable. James Potter can never be in control." Cameron agreed approvingly.

"So, where to from now?"

It was all well and good to check off their list of accomplishments to make but James Potter was no easy mosquito to swat. The added truth of Lily's past rejections of the popular boy only served to make things that little bit harder. However, shifted to the back of her mind that she'd only just remembered, Lily felt certain that it wouldn't take much to spark the handsome Marauder's interest after his recent admission of his desires to add her to his hit list.

Her lips curled into a smile.

"Well, if there's one thing James Potter cannot resist..."

---

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

Eyes glazed over with boredom, Lily watched the rhythmic tick of her watch. The sky was beginning to grow darker as the orb-like sun began to sink behind the distant mountains. Wind rustled the trees above her and an array of bird songs surrounded her but she gave no sign that she could hear a sound.

She was waiting. For what, it was hard to tell but her sharp gaze was directed, unblinkingly at the great oak front doors to the castle.

Like a watch dog scenting prey, her back stiffened as the great doors opened and a student to doubt made his way slowly down the stairs, a broomstick clutched in his hands. Quick as lightening Lily was on her feet and dashing into the change rooms behind her. It would take him, she knew, at least five minutes before he reached the quidditch pitch.

James Potter was a man of habit. Each and every single evening, just as the sun was beginning to sink and the light would hold for another half an hour at least, he went for his customary fly. James' quidditch prowess was legendary amongst the student and teacher population alike and he was known as one of the best quidditch players the school had seen in years.

The time passed slowly enough but her desire to begin 'The Plan' made it easier for Lily not to begrudge the wasted time spent spying on James. Her plan, she felt sure, was fool proof.

The sound of the irritatingly squeaky door was welcoming to Lily as she waited patiently for the sounds of his footsteps. She was ready for him.

Knowing he was now within hearing range, Lily casually let the shower door behind her slam. She suppressed her grin at the loud bang that echoed through the confined space. There was no doubt that he'd heard and certain he'd come to investigate the source of the sound.

"Hello?" James called out as he rounded the corner, heading towards the showers. "Who's in here?"

Knowing the timing was crucial for its success, Lily counted slowly to three before rounding the corner as steam billowed behind her. Her hair was wet and cold against her bare shoulders and the cool air causing a breakout of Goosebumps to cover her damp skin.

Time seemed to halt as the two came face to face, far closer than Lily had predicted but okay nonetheless. She noted with satisfaction that James looked positively shell-shocked at the sight of her, more so with only a small white towel clutched around her and a whole lot of bare flesh on display.

"P-Potter?!" Lily shrieked in perfectly rehearsed shock. "What on earth are you doing here?"

James lost no time in acting shocked and his characteristic grin was unfurling with rapid speed. "I could ask you the same thing." He replied amusedly, not even trying to hide his appreciation at the sight of her so skimpily dressed.

A flush grew across her cheeks at his leering gaze but more unexpected was her feeling of... well delight. There was no question that James was having a very hard time dragging his eyes away from her but now was not the time to throw away her carefully structured plan.

"What do you think Potter?" Lily raised an eyebrow questioningly. "I was having a fly and decided to have a shower before heading back up to the castle."

The fact that her face was adorned with subtle makeup despite her wet hair seemed to go unnoticed by James. His watchful gaze was beginning to unnerve her and she wished he'd just look away, even for a second.

Lily had known it'd be risky but there was nothing like a girl dressed in little more than a towel, fresh from a fly on the quidditch pitch to capture James Potter's interest. After all, they were his two biggest passions: quidditch and half-naked girls.

The fact that she'd been cajoled into doing this for 'a good cause' didn't make her feel any less like a tacky whore standing in front of James Potter in next to nothing but she supposed it was a lesser sacrifice to make compared to dressing like – and acting like - a tart in front of the entire school. And while it was a small consolation, it made her feel better that she still at least had her underwear on underneath the towel. Not that James Potter knew that.

"Evans, you play quidditch? I thought you hated quidditch." An unreadable expression covered his face and Lily guessed he was trying to hide his surprise.

"Correction, I hate snooty quidditch _players_ with superiority complexes. And besides I only said I'd been flying." She smirked and James' face relaxed back into an easy grin.

_So it should._ Lily thought bitterly. This was the first conversation that the two of them had successfully had without a shouting match.

James took a step towards her so that he was standing a mere meter from her minimally-clad form. His eyes unabashedly roamed every inch of her bare skin and again she could feel a rush of colour rising to her cheeks.

"Have I ever told you that you look beautiful when you've just stepped out of the shower?" James asked flirtatiously and taking another large step closer to her. If only she _did _look like that when she'd just stepped out of the shower.

Lily's skin tingled uncomfortably at his proximity. Clearly James Potter had forgotten just what kind of girl she was and had more on his mind than quidditch at that precise moment in time.

He lifted a hand to run his fingers lightly down her arm and Lily felt sure the assumptive pig was envisaging some hot and heavy action in the change room before dinner.

Lily stepped back and hid her disgust at him with a coy smile. "I think you're forgetting just what kind of girl I am, Potter. You didn't really think that cheesy line would work did you?"

James grinned and gave a casual shrug. "It was worth a try."

A cool draught whooshed past her, turning the tiny droplets still clinging to her skin icy and inducing a small shiver to run down her body. It was definitely time to put on something a little more substantial than a thin piece of cloth.

As if sensing her thoughts James said, "Despite the lovely view, I suppose you'd better get dressed before you catch hyperthermia. Can I walk you to dinner?"

Lily's eyes widened in surprise at the offer. Did James Potter actually just make an almost gentlemanly like gesture? With satisfaction Lily noted that he was hooked.

She nodded. James didn't move. Inclining an eyebrow at him questioningly, James smirked again and shrugged.

"Turn around Potter." Lily said sharply. Grudgingly James turned his back on her. "And no peeking."

"Spoilsport." James murmured just loud enough for her to hear.

Always having been a modest girl, it was hardly surprising that Lily felt rather uncomfortable displaying herself in only a towel to a boy she hardly knew and didn't like let alone changing in front of him even if his back was turned. It cajoled her that at least she'd kept her underwear on underneath, not that James knew that, but nonetheless she wasn't thrilled about getting dressed with him still in the room.

"_It's not like you're wearing any less than you would if you were in bathers."_ Cameron's voice reasoned in her mind as she hesitated to remove the towel to slip on her robes. It was true but again, hardly filled her with confidence at the unsavoury prospect.

Within ten seconds flat and some expert manoeuvring beneath the towel – James being James, even with his back turned wasn't particularly reassuring – and Lily was once again fully clothed.

"Alright, let's go."

They walked in relative silence back to the castle and Lily dreaded the assumptions that would follow her entrance into the hall with James at her side. Even less did she like the thought of the inevitable whispers and remarks once she finally 'went out' with James which considering the plan was only a matter of time. She got little comfort from knowing that it was all just a game of revenge. She may know that. Emma and Cameron may know that. But the rest of the school didn't and to them she'd still be just another silly to girl to fall for James Potter.

Just before they reached the oak front doors, James stopped her.

"You know something Evans; I don't think you ever really hated me. In fact, I'd even been as game to say, I think you might even be warming up to me." He smirked confidently and it took all of Lily's self control not to roll her eyes at him. "How about Hogsmeade this weekend?"

She'd been waiting for it and James hadn't disappointed her. Lily leant in close until her face was mere inches from him, her breath washing teasingly over his moist lips.

"Keep dreaming Potter."

With a smile sweeter than sugar, Lily turned and opened the doors into the entrance hall. There had been no missing the expression on his face at her words: frustration, disappointment, humiliation. A triumphant smile lit up her face.

_Not a bad night's work. Who's in control now Potter?_

_---_

**I must admit, until I started writing this, I completely underestimated authors who write fics based on movies. While in one respect you have the basic plot all laid out for you, I'm actually finding this the hardest story to write. On one hand you're battling all the expectations that people who have liked the movie will like your fic, yet you're almost obligated to completely change every aspect apart from the actual plot in fear that it will be considered 'plagiarising.' Honestly, it's really hard trying to come up with a different yet still humorous way to 'faux-date' somebody. But still, I am finding this a generally enjoyable fic to write – despite the rather slack updates – and I can't say that the challenge isn't good for me. **

**Yes, James is an arse at the moment – but a lovable one all the same - but he won't always be. No there will not be another girl in on the plan like in the movie since I don't think this fic should need one. There are differences between this fic and the movie – like the absence of the third girl and most obviously that Lily and James **_**do**_** end up together obviously but Kate and John Tucker never do. And just as there are differences there will be plenty of similarities too.**

**I didn't really come up with any fantastic pranks ideas and I got a mixture of responses so I tried to put some pranks in but still a progression with the plot so hopefully that worked out okay. Anyway, I'm sure you're all sick of my massive author notes and Marry Christmas to everyone!**

**As always, I love reviews and comments on how you like the story so far, any improvements/constructive criticism or any suggestions / things you'd like to see happen. Love you all :D**


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